NO PERFECT DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE

....but what about HIM?

I used to call myself an ardent feminist. I am now unsure about just how good a thing that actually is.
Have we been under a delusion?

As a younger women I would proclaim my mother's generation of 50's type housewives as mere accessories to their husbands. As a 40-something I am beginning to wonder just who was really onto a good thing...

My mother never worked. My father used to bring her freshly squeezed orange juice, poached egg and tea plus the paper in bed every morning. A very early riser,a choice, she used to take the dog on long harbour walks.Mother had a house cleaner in 3 full days a week plus a gardener. Industrial cleaners used to come in once a year for a "spring clean". She was always available to help with flowers for school occasions, would always bake up cakes (plural) to sell at school charity runs. She did alot of charity work for hospitals and the Cancer Society which I now understand she gained alot of self-worth  from. She had alot of other interests including bridge, a music circle, she even ran a share portfolio group. She travelled. She did alot of cooking...which she loved. She was a qualified Cordon Bleu cook. She was always there when I came home from school. She used to wind down at the end of every day with a couple of gin and tonics.My father used to wind down with her, it was adult time. 

And now for me - modern feminist woman...

I get up most mornings at 6 30 pm. I hang out the washing and put on another load. I run around looking for missing clothing items for both offspring and husband. I have a 30 second " power shower" and throw a cup of tea down my throat before running out the door to work. I make my own cup of tea! I work standing on my feet teaching all day long, sometimes until 8pm. I then come home and cook, clear up the mess and have a yell at the off spring to get on with their homework. If I dare to have a glass of wine while cooking I remain on edge waiting for my husband's key in the door followed by french male comments about anglo women drinking alone and becoming alcoholics! French men, albeit modern (ha!) think women shouldn't drink!No wind down adult time for this enlightened generation. I am usually too tired to eat dinner let alone hold a civil conversation...I fall into bed in daggy old pyjamas and wonder as I fall asleep why my sex life isn't better.

Did I mention that I also work on Saturday mornings... I did have a cleaner for 6 hours a week but she recently left. I am not sure about finding another yet as I had to clean up before she came. I also paid her myself, out of my salary packet!! My responsibility, my expense.

Alot of this is my own fault. Having the right to have a professional life was such an important thing for me...I hadn't realised that it would mean that I would be doing even more than 50s prototype housewives!!...a job, plus the children and family, plus the home to run.
My main concern, however,  is that, as professional women, we are just not "present" enough for our children.

I do believe its time for women like me to rethink the domestic agenda for 2010. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful loving husband. He just needs a liittle re-education. Men haven't objected to women working plus continuing everything else their mothers did..., why not, it suits them!! Just how modern is it of us to let ourselves get so run down and exhausted?

At my hen night my girlfriends gave me a copy of the Good Housewife's Guide from circa 1955. You can read this below.We had a good laugh over it..but in retrospect, if I analyse it in a 2009 context I tick all the boxes!!

Here's what I am serving my husband for 2010...its not just for him, its also for me. I need, like many other professional women, to learn to rethink my lifestyle. I found this in my research..its compounding stuff.

The Good Man’s Guide

• Her life is just as important as yours. I know that after a long day at work/school/the bar all you want to do is come home and complain about your coworker/hungover classmate/drunk, but you have to keep in mind that she’s had a rough day too. Don’t gloss over when she’s trying to tell you about the things that are bothering her.
• Cleaning is your job, too. One of the hardest habits to break for many is the idea of traditional gender roles, i.e. a woman’s place is barefoot and pregnant cooking dinner whilst running the vacuum. Admittedly, that example is a little (or a lot) extreme, but many men find themselves on the couch watching TV after dinner instead of helping their significant other clean up after dinner or even just doing regular household chores like cleaning the bathroom.
• She doesn’t always want sex. Unless you’re a very lucky guy, chances are your lady friend does not want sex as often as you. Her job in life is not to please you, so keep that in mind at night.
• Don’t greet her with complaints and problems. The first thing she wants to hear when you walk in the door is not how much you hate your life. Coming home with something positive to talk about, or even just listening for a while until you unwind, is a good way to set the tone for the evening.
• Don’t expect her to be responsible for dinner. If your girl is the one who always takes care of dinner, it will likely be a nice relief some nights if she comes home to a ready meal. Try to take care of dinner an equal amount in the week, even if it’s nothing fancy. If cooking isn’t your strong suit, let her know that you’ll be taking care of dinner for the night by grabbing some takeout. Afterwards, clean up the dishes and tell her to relax. Doing this should also set the tone for a peaceful evening.
• Don’t question her judgment. Sometimes when a girl is complaining, she just wants to get something off her chest and move on. For the most part, it’s better to take her side instead of questioning her reasons for being pissed. Even if you think she’s completely wrong, there are certain times that you have to know when to keep your mouth shut.
• Be honest. If something is bothering you about her, your day, or anything in general, don’t let it build up inside.  This is a good way to avoid having major fights when there doesn’t need to be one. The longer you let something bother you, the more likely you are to let something little trigger a huge fight when there shouldn’t have been one in the first place.
• The golden rule. Do unto her, as you would have her do unto you. Simple enough, and always a good rule to keep in mind.

One final thought to keep in mind is this:
A good man always knows his place.

No more time to write anything else...have to out for a bottle of Gin!!