TEMPERATURES RISING - it's menopause!

It's official - I am going to be reincarnated as something that doesn't go through menopause!

Just yesterday I received a knowing kind nod from a total stranger on the tramway when I pulled out my glasses to read a text -burning up in a hot flash,they completely fogged up as soon as I put them on. Note to self : must tell optician to devise temperature resistant lenses!  

For me it's the hot flashes which are the killer. My whole body transforms from clear skinned to blotchy burning scarlet in a matter of seconds - human combustion can't be urban legend after all. You could fry an egg on my chest! 

Clothes get peeled off at top speed only to be thrown back on again ten seconds later when the chills come on. My poor students have an air-conditioned classroom in the middle of winter - I'll be lecturing in a t-shirt (although would rather just be standing there in a muslin kaftan with no undies!!) whilst they are all shivering under their coats. 

Honestly,weren't periods, pregnancy, stretch marks, breast feeding and cellulite enough from nature already! And can someone please explain WHY,with all this heat, I'm not burning off all that new extra thigh, tummy and botty fat?? Seriously with all this heat I should be stick thin instead of feeling thicker and thicker. 

And there's more...

  • Eye sight so shot that need arms a km long to read without glasses. 
  • The most simplest of vocab in my second language which just somehow escapes me.Yesterday the lost word was potato peeler..actually I couldn't remember it in English either.
  • Running up the stairs and then,once there, forgetting WHY I am there
  • Calling the children by the dog's name, and vice versa
  • Waking all hours of the night craving poached eggs on toast and then going into mad fretting fits over things of little consequence and ending up playing Scrabble online until dawn with some stranger called Kanitra in India...and she usually wins
  • Weeping over insurance ads on the tele - in fact weeping over anything
  • Desperately seeking my waisteline which seems to have left the country
  • Forever trolling online for tummy trimming bathing suits but never quite finding the power to hit the buy button
  • Constantly repeating myself
  • Did I mention I repeat myself
Last week when my raging hormones woke me up at 4am, I started googling the phases of a woman's life. There are basically three official stages, maiden, mother and crone. And, according to my research, I am, without a doubt, the latter of the three. Gulp!

I have always considered the term " crone" to be similar to such things as harridan, hag, biddy and company..In fact, I have discovered that the term " crone" is one which has been completely redefined over the last centuries. Whereas the modern term refers to a cantankerous or withered woman, the ancient term referred to a woman 45 plus who was recognised as empowered, wise and self-defined. 

I have decided the latter ancient term suits me to the ground. I shall attempt to strap on my sense of humour and as a wise, empowered, self defined woman try to cruise through the rest of this change without letting it get me down.We all deserve to find our inner "menopausal goddess." 

It's time to see the positive side of menopause and yell it out to the stars. Think of all that money you're saving on tampax - it can be redirected into chocolate and chardonnay.This is a beginning of something new not the end of life.

Meanwhile I shall go online today and buy myself one hell of a kaftan AND a tummy trimming bathing suit. I will stop beating myself up when I put the washing in the dishwasher and the dog's croquettes in the cookie jar. More walking, time out, hot bubble baths, spa days with other "menopausal goddesses" are on the menu. I am also going to try and embrace my wobbly bits and my rekindled love of gin and tonic whilst remembering the final words of the stranger on the tramway yesterday...as I was getting off she whispered to me, " Don't worry dear, it DOES stop."




In need of something cool and creamy? Here's an old recipe, great to use with new season strawberries,gariguette strawberries are the best if you can find them. 
I use about 1 1/2 cups of fruit to 300ml fresh cream.

S T R A W B E R R Y   F O O L 

1 1/2 cups fresh gariguette strawberries 
2 T icing sugar
1T lemon juice
lemon zest
300ml cream, whipped
Frangelico liqueur
Amaretti biscuits
mint leaves

Blend the strawberries to a puree with the icing sugar and lemon juice. Fold into the whipped cream and chill. Serve with lemon zest, scissored mint, a drizzle of Frangelico and Amaretti biscuits.


Your comments count. We would love to hear from you.

Susie
XXX

Comments

  1. I can tick off every item on your list Susie. Fabulous post putting the humour back into menopause.

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  2. Off to buy strawberries, chocolate and chardonnay. LOL

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  3. John in Paris6 May 2016 at 10:19

    Susie wanting to try the Strawberry Fool, sounds easy enough for me not to mess up but need an approximate metric measurement for the fruit please. Appreciated, especially as a chap, your post. We men tend to be rather ignorant on the menopause front. Enjoy the chocolate and chardonnay!

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  4. Agree with John. really good for us men to read about menopause. I am going to attempt the dessert too.

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  5. Thanks chaps for your comments. John for the weight it really doesn't matter, I use a punnet. Regardless of the name it is a fool-proof pudding.

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  6. Meadowlass thank you so much for your encouraging comment. Greatly appreciated!!!

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  7. Still laughing. Fabulous to be reading you again. Was so sad when your posts stopped. Have just shared your blog with my book club who all agree that your writing is just wonderful. Please don't stop.

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  8. Just discovered you through your post about the Football CUp. Great blog, will definitely be following you. Can SO relate to this post about menopause. I tick all the boxes too!

    ReplyDelete

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